This blog is part of an outlet for me emotionally and a part of it also is about letting my creativity to flow out. Now if I am a good at expressing myself I still have that self doubt. Is my writing improving, that still remains to be seen. All I know is that this is my “bubble” where I hide from everyone that truly knows me in life.
All of my family (relatives, in-laws and even a friends) do not know about this blog. This has given me the sensation of having freedom to express myself in all matters of topic. A couple of weeks ago I got so excited because I got nominated from two wonderful bloggers. Well I took a picture and posted it on my personal Facebook account. It wasn’t a matter of showing off or anything, I just felt so proud that the first time in a very long time my writing has been show cased and someone recognized it.
Now as you all know these past couple of weeks I have been going through some family medical problems so I have not really been posting anything. I truly didn’t like that but I believe if I am visiting family for what ever reason I should focus on them and not my writing at the time.
Well being there this past Labor Day weekend I got a little bit of down time. I can’t say I didn’t want to take advantage of it. I was already thinking of the topics that I wanted to talk about (yeah knowing me I forgot to write them down!!). Leaving one of my family members house she said “Oh so you are going to blog now?” Which in a way shocked me because I never thought that they would even pay attention to my statuses since they never comment.
I know that she didn’t mean it to be mean because she isn’t that type of person but in a way my brain just freaked out! I mean I couldn’t do ANYTHING! I just kept starring at the screen with NOTHING!
Its not like if I had put my blog address on my Facebook ( I used to but then deleted it). Of course they are not stupid so I’m sure they can figure out on how to find them.
So yesterday was the first time that I had an idea, of course I used my old journal’s. On my Author’s page I mentioned how my husband gave me a journal when we met and that was the first time in years that I started to write anything!
Looking at my journal I got inspired to write three different pieces. I was so happy that my thoughts actually gave me more inspiration to write. Of course you can not guess who was the person that inspired me to write those words.
Today trying to find a topic I couldn’t because my mind keeps going to my family member that said that comment. I guess for me ( and maybe for many other bloggers) this is my little safe haven where I come and don’t have to worry about what my family or friends think about my writing.
If they are reading it I hope that they like it if not I am saved another day. I just hope that this doubt and wanting my family to like my writing goes away. I am getting more comfortable with writing on WP because this community is not a “known” community with me. We share our thoughts, emotions and creative writings but in the end our relationship is just that.. online…
Here is to one more day of writing and hiding…
Until Next Time,
LK
A Muslim Latina 
I so understand this post. I have come to love logging on and blogging. It truly is like you said..like a safe have, a bubble, from the rest of the world…where we can write and not hold back, and of course with DID, which no one knows about, we fear of someone finding out. Sometimes I want to share with people because i am proud, but I do not. just for the reasons you stated. I hope you can overcome it as well, as I had one woman who told me she was “searching for my blog”…I mean really??? After I told her it was private, and I don’t really know how she knew. But I appreciated you sharing this because i totally understood how you felt. Thank you.
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I will push forward, there is no going back now lol.. This self doubt I will defeat one day 🙂 Hopefully that lady wasn’t able to find it… There are pesky people like that 😦
I love your words of encouragement, thank you so much 🙂
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