Marriage, the Struggle

It’s scary when you have been married for a while and something happens. This changes your marriage in a way that you never realized.

It doesn’t matter what happens. It could be  issues, events, people, etc. That really doesn’t matter, what does matter is how you as a unit come out of it. Marriage is an everyday struggle but eventually after years of it you become a well oiled machine that can handle everything and anything.

I know that I don’t have the perfect marriage, I’ve only been married for 5 years and knowed him for 6. One thing we both promised each other was communication, loyalty and to always go to bed happy not angry.We have come through many obstacles in life and I can say that we are a unit, and almost a well oiled machine in these short 5 years.

.My parents before I even thought of marriage told their 3 daughters one important thing about marriage. Marry a man that respects you, will be loyal to you and put you first. Make sure he follows God and that he works hard. Don’t look at his “pedigree” or how much money he has or could have. Marriage is about having fun with your best friend. I can say they were right. I have been having fun for the past 6 years of knowing my husband.

Before our marriage we had a fight. Yes believe it or not. I had been living on my own for about 8 years. I had my military roommates but I had never lived with a man. Well when it came to decide what furniture to keep he wanted the furniture that his family had given him. I said find but for the bedroom I wanted to keep my furniture. It took me 3 years to pay off my bedroom furniture (yes it was a whole mahogany wood set) and being deployed I had only used it for 6 months. Well the ending was we kept ALL his furniture because his had sentimental value versus mine only had monetary value.

Once we got married 5 years ago things changed. Our first 6 months were hell, Fighting over any little thing.. How he didn’t put the cap on the toothpaste, or how he leave his shoes in the middle of the living room and I am constantly tripping over them. Or how I brought work from home or kept moving the furniture around. Or me trying to changed the way we ate because it wasn’t healthy.

The one fight that was the last straw and we actually laughed about was about the type of rice we would eat! Yes! A very stupid reason to fight but we did. Afterward we were laughing, even though we ended up eating the rice that he grew up on.

Throughout the years there have been many fights over other stupid things, in the end we find a way to either compromise or talk about it until we find a solution. We don’t see who “won” or ‘lost” because frankly that doesn’t matter.

Marriage is a constant struggle but what matters is the work you put in it to make it work.

My examples are my parents and sister, they have 50 combined years of a successful and happy marriage. They have tumbles as everyone else does but one thing I learned is that they don’t let anyone else in their marriage nor do they see which spouse is right or wrong.

What they see and value is to live happy with each other and try their best to support one another. To make sure that they have fun.

So yes, marriage is a struggle; its a commitment that is long lasting. Marry your best friend the person that makes you smile, the one that gets you in trouble or like in my case my family has nicknamed us to be…

“Pre-schoolers,” yes that is our nickname with my family because my husband and I still play airplane, we still go  and stick our tongue out to each other when we annoy each other.

Trust me, play with your spouse have fun and I’m sure that you will have a lasting and happy marriage. Talk to each other, don’t look at others to tell you if you have a good spouse or not. You know that yourself.

Respect, love and be loyal to each other and above all HAVE FUN!!

 

Until Next Time,

LK