To My Mother

You carried me for nine months.You prayed for me for seven years. You always had hope, That one day I would arrive
You taught me how to love, smile and hug. You taught me how to think, rationalize and live. You were and still are my first teacher of life
My Bestfriend, guidance counselor, my rock. Through my childhood you stood beside me. Through my single years you stood with me. Through my pain you gave me comfort. 

Now in my married years you stand beside me. You give me your wisdom and experience of your success as to help me with mine. 

My rock, the one that always has the right words. I Love you Mom

Without you I wouldn’t be who I am

One day doesn’t justify the years of sacrifice and love that you have and continue to give. No words can explain the love and appreciation I have for you.

So I say humbly

Thank you Mamie, I love you Mamie Insha’Allah I have many more years to show you how much I appreciate you.
Happy Mothers Day

In Holiday Spirit, Merry Christmas

As everyone knows I am Muslim, saying this I will still like to express to the people that do celebrate this Holiday.

Merry Christmas! We at my home do not decorate or do anything special. Usually we skip the holidays to visit hubbies family then the next my family. This year we were with my family and I can say that I had a time of my life.

First stop was with my parents. They are Catholic so they celebrate Christmas Eve. This year I told my mom that I wanted to make tamales ( Central American) type, so we went out and bought all of the ingredients. Of course for hubby and me I bought us a separate pot and meat since we do not eat non-halal food. It took us two days to get everything ready. On Christmas Eve I picked up hubby from work and went straight to mom. I swear I love my parents, they love my hubby so much that they treat him as if he was their own son. We laughed, joked, talked and ate. We waited until midnight (by that time my hubby and dad were snoring away, only my mom and me were up), to give us our hug and kiss and wished each other Merry Christmas. My parents gave us a gift which we opened and we loved it!

The next day hubby and I went to see my sister. They are Christian so they celebrate Christmas Day. Of course hubby and I cooked us a meal to take to their house since they eat non-halal. I can say we had an awesome time! They also had a gift for us and of course we loved it! What I loved about that day the most is how mom and my hubby started to play monopoly.

Has anyone played it and lasted about one hour and no one loses.. Yes that was the case. Mom and hubby just wouldn’t lose. My sister was the banker my brother in law just pitched in his two sense as dad and me. After awhile since mom was wining I became her “financial advisor” and my brother in law became my hubbies… I swear we all were laughing so hard. Who thought that mature adults could act like such children.

The funniest thing though is that the actual children (my sister and brother in laws kids) were in their rooms playing their video games.

Even though hubby and I do not celebrate this holiday it doesn’t mean that you cut off the family members that do. You respect them enough to accept their gifts and spend time with them. These holidays for my husband don’t represent the “birth” of anyone but it does represent the unification of family and building trust, communication, and long lasting memories with the people you truly care about.

I truly hope that all of you have spent these Holidays with the person or people that truly matter in your life, if you can’t physically be with them you can at least call them and let them know you care.

So all I can say is

Merry Christmas


Addiction Caught in Time…

There is so many people out there that choose, were forced into several addictions in their lives. This isn’t about how I feel about them but more about how I feel I am battling addiction myself.

Yes this sound very bad but no I’m not addicted to drugs nor have I ever been. I am not addicted to alcohol, yes I used to drink in my younger days but with two bad experiences I stopped drinking (another post entirely).

So now that we got that out of the way…

I notice that everytime I purchase anything I get a “high” feeling. Thats the only way that I can explain it. It comes with jitters but as soon as I hit that final order button they go away. I don’t feel excited about getting the cloths. Yes I by mines and hubbies online since I HATE going to stores.

Noticing this I started getting a bit apprehensive about our finances. I mean I am the one that 100% takes care of our finances. We have been getting out of debt and we have a year or so until we are debt free. I am scared that I will be the one taking us back into the downward spiral.

A couple of months ago while visiting hubbies family we both had a conversation with my husband’s brother – in – law about finances. We truly value his opinion since he is one of a very few batch of people that we can talk about all aspect of life topics and we don’t feel like we are stupid or wrong…

Well he told us a quote from the Quran (he is very well versed in Islam), and what I can remember of it ( I have a bad memory) it was regarding of being careful of addiction to all things. That if it is not for Allah ( Islam teaches that everything we do regardless if its the job, celebrations, holidays, etc. should be done in the name of Allah and not for ourselves (another post entirely)).

He basically told us that usually what he does when thinking of a purchase he analyzs it. He starts to see it the purchase really make sense. He thought of how often he would use it or if the family benefited for it then he would purchase it. If the answer was that it wouldn’t have and benefits or get much us then he wouldn’t purchase that item.

After a couple of months had passed I did my best to practice his method. Yeah it did not work. But, yes there is a But here… I found my own method that actually works for me and our household.

As I said before, I do the financial management in our home so it is a bit easier to manage that jittery “high” feeling.. My solution that is helping me is that I made a list of all priority and want buys, so we both basically sat down and went through the list.

I can say I am glad that hubbies brother – in – law talked to us and gave us that advice. I am more confident that my “addiction” that could have spiraled out of control and land us in debt yet again.

What I am trying to convey if I haven’t done so ( I know I’m long winded lol), is that if you pay attention to your self you can see the forms of addiction that we each have. Some are easier then others to control but they can especially with a plan and have support (even if it is by only your spouse, kid, friend, etc.) They might not be as life threatening as others but it still is an addiction.

Until Next Time,

Writing Silence Aug 21 – Aug 25

I know usually I do not put on here when I am leaving or not going to be active at all. I truly want to change that. I am doing my best to always post something at least once a week and upload new chapters from Shadow Voices every weekend.

As I have said before a couple of days ago I asked for prayers for a family member. Their surgery is friday and my husband and I are planning on going to be there for them. This could change of course depending on the wishes of my husband’s relative.

For now I am planning on not writing anything for the rest of the day. As you can read from the title I do not plan on coming back until the 26th. I will still try to keep reading your blogs and if I get any comments then I will do my best to respond. If not then you know why.

Thank you all for your continued support regardless if you are a commenter or not. You let me into your home every chance you honor me on reading one of my post.

As you noticed I uploaded two chapters that I owed you all from last week. If I post anything else today it will be another edited chapter of Shadow Voices if I finish in time and if hubby brings his work laptop.

Until Next Time,

Dear Sister…

This month is your month, the day you were born, this month is just a bittersweet moment for me. For some reason unknown to us; you left through that door leaving pain and confusion behind you. For over seven years on this month I crave to hear your voice and tell us that your okay. I crave to know the reason why you had to leave us behind.

I love you, I miss you and I wish I could hug and kiss you. No matter your reason we will always be here with open arms waiting until the day you walk back into our lives.

You never gave us a chance to fix anything if there was something to fix. Or even told us if somehow you need more of our help. This month is your month and it hurts me every time it comes by. I stare at your photo and I imagine you talking to me, telling me that it was just all a dream. That you never left, that I can look up and when I do you will be there with your beautiful smile and laughter. If this is a joke it is a cruel one, I never knew you to be this way.

Now through technology and a person’s huge heart I am able not only to see you but also the little family that you have for yourself. My nephews and one niece are the best gift that I can have. Looking at their innocent faces I wish I can tell them that Aunty loves theme and misses them. How I wish I could have been there when they first talked, walked. So far from my reach I grab the little comfort that these few photos bring me. What little information that this person gives me I cherish and engrave it into my mind and heart. These will be the only photos that my children will know of their cousins and I begin to cry again.

Seeing the tears and pain looked at our parents face when I tell them what I found out I am getting closer everyday in resenting you. I wish I didn’t feel the love I have for you. I wish I could rip all of our childhood memories from my mind and see you as a stranger that you have let yourself become.

When I see their pain I just want to rip you apart. How selfish can you be to the ones that gave you life, the ones that raised you. They gave so much of their life for their 3 princesses and how do you repay them? By turning your back to them. When you needed shelter, food and money to get by they gave it to you. Your sister gave shelter and took you to interviews, and I… What I did was nothing as long as it was to make sure you and your kids were okay. We aren’t asking for payment we are asking to be apart of your life because we love you. How can you smile and enjoy life when you make me be the one to tell our parent’s the bad news..

I am doing my best not to hate you, not to delete every memory that I have about you. I pray to Allah (SWT) and I ask forgiveness for the black stone that is slowly replacing the stone of love that I have for you.

I hope one day you stop being selfish and for your children sake or for our parents sake you pick up that phone and tell them the truth. I was the messenger that hurt them today and that I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.. The day you finally come back I truly hope I will be able to welcome you with love and care as I once wish..

Your loving little Sister