Death, Rumors an Emotional ride

I have been gone for awhile now… My life lately has been a rollercoaster so I do apologise for this. 

My Uncle died a few weeks ago, he was my fathers brothers and he was dear to not only my dad but to my mother and sisters. He was the only one in my fathers side that lived with us for some years here in the United States. He always showed us love and accepted not only us but my mother into the family. He didn’t care about my mothers social or financial background as the rest of the family. He always said that he wished the rest of his sister – in – laws and his sisters would be like my mother. A good woman that knows how to love, be a wife and mother. He will be missed, he is my fathers “twin”, they aren’t twins but the do look very similiar and their personalities are extremely similiar.

Now that he has passed away the family are saying and starting to spread rumors about what he “said” about my father, mother and us. It is effecting my father a bit but as I told him. His family has always lied, they always spread rumors about him even his own mother, so why would he believe these rumors now. I told him that we should and will remember our uncle by how he treated us and the love he showe us NOT by what the rest of his family are spreading. 

Unfortunately there are people out there that are so ready to shine a black shadow on someone once they are dead and can’t defend themselves, why don’t they do that when they are alive and can defend themselves. Why wait until they are dead? Hence that side of the family I do not associate it nor want to know at all. They have hurt my parents, my sisters and myself time and time again. I know it will never stop and even though we share blood we are no closer then strangers.
A week after my uncle died my aunt on my mothers side died as well. I personally never knew her and only met her once when we went to Guatemala when I was seven year old. She was a good woman and helped my parents out when they needed help when they got together. She was a woman that lived her life her way even if it was against her families wishes. She seemed to be a woman that even though she didn’t know us she loved us and always showed loved to my father and mother. I wished I could have known her a bit more but Allah (SWT) knows why we didn’t have a better communication.

So the month of April has been hard from my family and the begining of May has not been easy for my husband and me. I see him less because of work and I truthfully feel as if I am single again. All of this sacriface we are doing I hope that Allah (SWT) will bless us and rewards us as he sees fit. I am currently looking for a job because I truthfully am bored all day. Yes I could use this time to write on here or work on my story more but truthfully I am getting stir crazy. I need an outlet I cannot stay at home full time especially when I don’t have nothing to do all day. In two days flat I’m finished with the cleaning, cooking and doing all my other errands, I need an outlet and going back to work is something I think I need to do.

At least we do have some good news, my hubby just finished paying off his student loan!! We are so happy!! We celebrated by eating in halal Indian food! It feels good that we finally found a place that delivers authentic Indian food to your doo and its HALAL!! So yes we celebrated last night that one loan we are done with. We are closer to our goal at being debt free. Now we only have our car loan and the little bit of credit car debt and we will be done. Insha’Allah at the end of this year we will be done with our credit card and then the car loan should be done next year but I will do my best to get it done this year…

As you can see we have had a rollercoaster in April and the begining of this month. Insha’Allalh the rest of this month we bit easier for us. We actually with a few extra funds we have been rearranging and decorating our living room. So far our living room is coming out as we liked. I will post up a review on the App that we have been using to help us.

I am back now and ready to write. I will be on here for a little bit since we are going to visit hubbies family in a couple of weeks. 

Love you guys and I hope you are all doing well!!
Until Next Time,


To my Tio Paco, I will Miss You

Today is a sad day… A few hours ago I got a call from my mother. She and dad were at my uncles place…

They got news that my uncle that lives in Guatemala died in his sleep… This is hard for me because I grew up with my Tío Paco. He came to the states when I was young.

I used to get so confused because he would look to me like my father. So I would call him daddy too. He left when I was about 7 years old and I cried my heart out. 

Out of all my uncles he is the one that accepted my mother and my sisters and me without judgment or scorn. He loved us and was our playmate when he was with us.

On Christmas I talked to him telling him he should come back here. If not I would try to go see him so he could meet my husband. We both were excited at the idea, how i haré that we will never get that chance. 

At least I can find comfort that I talked to him and told him that I loved him.

Insha’Allah he doesn’t know any pain and may he be in Paradise with my other uncle, his older brother that I never met.

Tio Paco

Mi amigo

Mi chinito

Mi Budda

Como extraño tu sonrisa 

Tu ternura

Mi tío 

Un ángel 

Que regreso a paraíso 

Volando en el cielo

Tío Paquito

Mi chinito

Te quiero

Te extraño

Pero siempre estarás 

En este corazón


I love you and will miss you. My heart aches but I know your in a better place…

Why am I Cold

I’m shivering
My bones are aching
My next breath becomes a gasp

My flesh has become cold
My flesh is pasty
How can I make these goosebumps
go away

My body is rigid
My skin is taunt
My eyes do not shine

Its so cold
I can’t move or scream
My mind has stop thinking

Slowly I drift away
I see my body
Slowly being lowered

Where do I go
Where is the light
Will I always just

Death of an Innocent – 1997

Today they have killed an Innocent
He barely lived
He had such potential

At school
they talked about his death
About who he was

I sit there and think
I remember the hard times I had
I remember the past and see the few moments
He and I had
That are now in the past

Things have happened
that I prefer to have locked
in my secret place

That’s where I cry
and feel my own pain
My loss of innocence
I cry for the boy
And the memories
We shared

I look around me
I see the reflection of
sorrow, tears, and pain
That I feel inside my own heart

His death
Our loss
Is such an injustice

Done to an Innocent
A boy that had potential
A generation

His innocence
Our pain
Will always be reflected

By the death
That was caused

Another long ago piece I had written. I hope you enjoy it.

Until Next Time,