This is My Wave

I’ll ride the wave and hold tight to my life boat

I’ll get jerked around in every direction trying to knock me off

I’ll fight until my last breath to stay on the wave
The wave is bumpy, it becomes a wall of hurdles

I see its weakness, I’ll conqur and come out on top

I’ll ride the wave and hold tight to my life boat
This is my wave, it was made for me

I will never surrender it 

Nor will I forget what we have been through

I caught this wave and its taken me for a ride

Its not through with me, its just started to mold in me
I’ll ride this wave and hold tight to my life boat

The good and the bad with sharks in between

I’m safe, I’m loved, I’ll succeed

This is my wave

 And it was made for me

Ramadan and my new goals

Ramadan is almost here!!

About a month to go and our yearly religious holiday begins.  We will fast not only physically but spiritually as well.

This Ramadan I will put only two goals for myself to complete: 

1. Pray my daily prayers more often 

2. Read the Quran more often and reflect on it. (Journalist my thoughts and my interpretation of what I read)

In the past I had months or weeks that I was doing good then all of a sudden I just stop. Then it takes me awhile to get back to it. I want that roller coaster to stop. 

I know a couple of years ago I started praying for Ramadan then I slowly continued to do it even afterwards. I even started to wear the hijab because I thought it didn’t make sense to keep putting it in for my prayers. 

Once we moved locations I just stopped wearing the hijab and then I slowly stopped stopped going to the Friday prayer at the mosque and praying at home. 

This Ramadan I am hoping to find a mosque close to us so I can go to the Friday prayers and to also find a mentor or at least a group of Muslim sisters for support. I used to have a mentor that we would meet a couple times a month and she would put small goals for me. She encouraged me when I felt I was failing.  Maybe with a closer mosque I can find some sisters that we could support each other… Not all mosque have these types of programs so I know it will be difficult to find

I already went to one close by and well it’s great for the men but unfortunately for us women our space is very small, we can’t see the imam when he is speaking. Well it’s through a television but there is no closeness or unity that I felt at my mosque.

I have one more mosque to go to that is a bit farther then the one I looked at last but still closer then my mosque. It seems that they are a bigger facility and the website they have it seems that they might be a bit more into having programs for sisters. It seems that they are a community that has unity not separation.

So today since I haven’t been able to sleep I have been thinking about this. Since next week I will have my own car I will be able to go out a bit more and explore different mosque around the area.

Insha’Allah I find one I feel that I belong too. I know that in the Quran it states that we the female gender are not obligated to go, we can pray at home and read a part of the Quran to satisfy the Friday prayer. I like going to the Friday prelates though..

So for this Ramadan I am hoping to be able to fast both physically and spiritually. Insha’Allah I get the guidance and the strength to complete and continue my prayers and spiritual readings.

For my Muslim Sisters and Brothers out there… If you set a goal for Ramadan what would it be??

Until Next Time,

L. K. 

Let Hope and Faith Overcome You

You are a light that shines

How can you let blackness overcome you

Your hope and faith is all you need

Overcoming your shadows is a struggle
Blackness creeps inside your heart and mind

Past wounds reopen and oozes in them

Its a struggle to close but you can do it

Don’t let these shadows and pain overcome you
Look at the light that shines through your darkness

Can’t you feel the warms seeping into you

Use your hope and faith and let it heal these wounds
This light shines brighter as you let it overcome you

Your shadows and darkness shrinks submitting to it

Let the wounds heal and feel the warmth of your light

The light of hope and faith that will always overcome

The darkness and shadows that you might have

Listen, It’s not Hard

Breath in

Breath out

Slowly straighten up

A couple more

Shut your eyes

Clear your mind

Try and stay still

Just a few minutes

Hold on

Feel the pull

Feel the warmth

Floating and the feeling of peace

Ahh how wonderful

Control your breath

Clear your mind

Listen don’t strain to hard

It’s easy

God listens

And he answers

Don’t you feel him

Don’t you hear him

His always here

He is always carrying you

Have faith

Addiction Caught in Time…

There is so many people out there that choose, were forced into several addictions in their lives. This isn’t about how I feel about them but more about how I feel I am battling addiction myself.

Yes this sound very bad but no I’m not addicted to drugs nor have I ever been. I am not addicted to alcohol, yes I used to drink in my younger days but with two bad experiences I stopped drinking (another post entirely).

So now that we got that out of the way…

I notice that everytime I purchase anything I get a “high” feeling. Thats the only way that I can explain it. It comes with jitters but as soon as I hit that final order button they go away. I don’t feel excited about getting the cloths. Yes I by mines and hubbies online since I HATE going to stores.

Noticing this I started getting a bit apprehensive about our finances. I mean I am the one that 100% takes care of our finances. We have been getting out of debt and we have a year or so until we are debt free. I am scared that I will be the one taking us back into the downward spiral.

A couple of months ago while visiting hubbies family we both had a conversation with my husband’s brother – in – law about finances. We truly value his opinion since he is one of a very few batch of people that we can talk about all aspect of life topics and we don’t feel like we are stupid or wrong…

Well he told us a quote from the Quran (he is very well versed in Islam), and what I can remember of it ( I have a bad memory) it was regarding of being careful of addiction to all things. That if it is not for Allah ( Islam teaches that everything we do regardless if its the job, celebrations, holidays, etc. should be done in the name of Allah and not for ourselves (another post entirely)).

He basically told us that usually what he does when thinking of a purchase he analyzs it. He starts to see it the purchase really make sense. He thought of how often he would use it or if the family benefited for it then he would purchase it. If the answer was that it wouldn’t have and benefits or get much us then he wouldn’t purchase that item.

After a couple of months had passed I did my best to practice his method. Yeah it did not work. But, yes there is a But here… I found my own method that actually works for me and our household.

As I said before, I do the financial management in our home so it is a bit easier to manage that jittery “high” feeling.. My solution that is helping me is that I made a list of all priority and want buys, so we both basically sat down and went through the list.

I can say I am glad that hubbies brother – in – law talked to us and gave us that advice. I am more confident that my “addiction” that could have spiraled out of control and land us in debt yet again.

What I am trying to convey if I haven’t done so ( I know I’m long winded lol), is that if you pay attention to your self you can see the forms of addiction that we each have. Some are easier then others to control but they can especially with a plan and have support (even if it is by only your spouse, kid, friend, etc.) They might not be as life threatening as others but it still is an addiction.

Until Next Time,