Six Years of Marriage, Seven of Dating & Eight of knowing of each other

My love,

From the moment that I knew of you to the moment I met you to the day that I married you and to this present day. All I can say is that I love you more each passing day.

With all of our struggles and all of our tears we have made it through all these years. My forever rock my teamate my partner. No matter what life brings we will see them through side by side.

For all of our teasing, the giggling and laughter we share, there is noone that i would rather share my laughter than with you. Even though your pranks may cause a annoying spark it always becomes a spark of laughter that has tears running down our faces and pain shooting on our sides.

I knew of you, I met you and then I married you. I Waited 28 years to meet my soulmate, my other half. Yes, you my lovely husband my King;  only you can make me feel conplete.

Six years of marriage, seven years of dating and 8 of knowing of each other. Some might not know our full story but our love has shined and grown and can be seen by all.

My love, my King  mí vida y esperanza, I write to you to thank you for being by my side and giving my your love. May Allah (SWT) grant us to be together until we are covered in wrinkles and still be full of love and zest for life as we are now.

Allah (SWT) has granted us these years of matrimonial bliss. This year he blessed us to go on a anniversary vacation. This has been longed for since we couldn’t have a honeymoon nor go on an actual vacation. This year marks a passage of blessings that Insha’Allah will keep coming for us.

With all of My Love,

Your Loving Wife

Is the Spark still there

I have heard many people talk about marriage and how after a certain amount of time they don’t have that “spark” that they started with. Which then they say leads them to be unhappy in their marriage. They stay together but then live a different life.

I don’t understand that… How can you lose the “spark”? One of my friends once told me that after 7 years of her marriage she loved her husband but it felt more “routine.” I ask her to explain and she said, the “I Love You” started to be said less, all that texting at night and day is now once a week or when one or the other needs something.

Another friend told me he loved his wife but that he needed his “guy” time. I asked what was “guy” time. His time was being away from a “nagging” wife, she always wanted him to do things around the house. If he sat down to watch the game she would come and tell him to play with the kids. He wanted to just be able to come home and relax. Not to worry about “chores” or the kids.. If they wanted to go out his wife would make a big deal on who took care of the kids.

Talking to another couple of friends they kind of understood the other two. I even understood them. After a day at work you just want to come home and not have to worry about doing anything. What I couldn’t understand is how all of them said the same thing.. They lost that “spark.”

Well hubby and I just hit our fifth year and I can say we still have the “spark.” After we got married we went to visit my parents. Talking to them they gave us one advice. Don’t lose the “spark”!! What! I asked them if they could explain. Have they lost theirs?

No came their reply, we haven’t lost it  because when you truly love someone you will always make sure you put them first. They told us that whatever feeling we were feeling when we looked at each, then thats the feeling we should work on keeping and try to make it grow.

I can say my husband and I have heard people tell us.. You can work on your marriage during the weekend or you still need to get your time alone with friends. If you guys take separate vacations you will miss each other more so your love will stay.

Now I know these are all well intended advice but some of these people are either singled, divorced or going through a divorce. Some are not happy with their spouse but stay together because “its just not done” or they use the children as an excuse.

All I can say is that every marriage is different, not everyone wants the same thing in a marriage. Some want money, others want to be taken care of, and some just go into it as a business.

What I do know that in my marriage we Love doing things together. We had our single years and went out with our friends, drank, partied and went out with people. We also paid our own bills and knew that by the time we met we were ready to enjoy and share our individual lives together.

The times we spent apart we hated it! We couldn’t sleep and we were texting and talking to each other most of the night.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you can listen to other peoples advice but in the end its what you both want that truly counts. Each side of the family says two different things, friends suggest opinions and then lets not get into books, internet and all that stuff.

If you love each other then make sure when you make this commitment you both have talked about what you want from the marriage, not financially or kids but talk about how you both want to have a lasting marriage.

Until Next Time,

LK

Marriage, the Struggle

It’s scary when you have been married for a while and something happens. This changes your marriage in a way that you never realized.

It doesn’t matter what happens. It could be  issues, events, people, etc. That really doesn’t matter, what does matter is how you as a unit come out of it. Marriage is an everyday struggle but eventually after years of it you become a well oiled machine that can handle everything and anything.

I know that I don’t have the perfect marriage, I’ve only been married for 5 years and knowed him for 6. One thing we both promised each other was communication, loyalty and to always go to bed happy not angry.We have come through many obstacles in life and I can say that we are a unit, and almost a well oiled machine in these short 5 years.

.My parents before I even thought of marriage told their 3 daughters one important thing about marriage. Marry a man that respects you, will be loyal to you and put you first. Make sure he follows God and that he works hard. Don’t look at his “pedigree” or how much money he has or could have. Marriage is about having fun with your best friend. I can say they were right. I have been having fun for the past 6 years of knowing my husband.

Before our marriage we had a fight. Yes believe it or not. I had been living on my own for about 8 years. I had my military roommates but I had never lived with a man. Well when it came to decide what furniture to keep he wanted the furniture that his family had given him. I said find but for the bedroom I wanted to keep my furniture. It took me 3 years to pay off my bedroom furniture (yes it was a whole mahogany wood set) and being deployed I had only used it for 6 months. Well the ending was we kept ALL his furniture because his had sentimental value versus mine only had monetary value.

Once we got married 5 years ago things changed. Our first 6 months were hell, Fighting over any little thing.. How he didn’t put the cap on the toothpaste, or how he leave his shoes in the middle of the living room and I am constantly tripping over them. Or how I brought work from home or kept moving the furniture around. Or me trying to changed the way we ate because it wasn’t healthy.

The one fight that was the last straw and we actually laughed about was about the type of rice we would eat! Yes! A very stupid reason to fight but we did. Afterward we were laughing, even though we ended up eating the rice that he grew up on.

Throughout the years there have been many fights over other stupid things, in the end we find a way to either compromise or talk about it until we find a solution. We don’t see who “won” or ‘lost” because frankly that doesn’t matter.

Marriage is a constant struggle but what matters is the work you put in it to make it work.

My examples are my parents and sister, they have 50 combined years of a successful and happy marriage. They have tumbles as everyone else does but one thing I learned is that they don’t let anyone else in their marriage nor do they see which spouse is right or wrong.

What they see and value is to live happy with each other and try their best to support one another. To make sure that they have fun.

So yes, marriage is a struggle; its a commitment that is long lasting. Marry your best friend the person that makes you smile, the one that gets you in trouble or like in my case my family has nicknamed us to be…

“Pre-schoolers,” yes that is our nickname with my family because my husband and I still play airplane, we still go  and stick our tongue out to each other when we annoy each other.

Trust me, play with your spouse have fun and I’m sure that you will have a lasting and happy marriage. Talk to each other, don’t look at others to tell you if you have a good spouse or not. You know that yourself.

Respect, love and be loyal to each other and above all HAVE FUN!!

 

Until Next Time,

LK

Married but single

What does marriage mean?

My definition may not be like everyone else’s, but of course I don’t the “typical” parents. My parents defied their family. For one my father’s family didn’t want him being with my mother. My mother’s family didn’t want her being with my father because of my fathers family lies. Two different family backgrounds financially, support system, siblings and also the belief of religion.

My upbringing compared to my parents was very “liberal”. I was raised to believe to accept anyone and respect everyone. To not look at financial status or social status to befriend someone. To accept a person for who they are on the inside not on what they can do for me or look outside.

When it comes to love my parents told us to look at a man’s character not his social or financial value. To be certain he believed in God, to make sure that he was a family man. That he was loyal and a hard worker. We shouldn’t look at his race, looks, money, or any material possessions he can have.

I am starting to believe that I might be a rare form of human specimen. Why? Do you ask. Its simple, I see most people getting or wanting to get married and the first thing they look at is the social class or financial standing of a person to see if they are “compatible”. They expect to be given but not to give. There is no compromising, and people wish to keep having their own individual “lives” instead of combining them.

When did marriage become a commodity? When did marriage become another way of living a single life but having sex with only one person? When did marriage become a damn contract?!

When did marriage become a thought of “if it doesn’t work out we can always get a divorce”. Or “I still want my dreams but don’t care about yours”.

Whats wrong with society? What are we teaching our children? Its okay to marry but you have to look at the monetary value of what the other person is bringing in? Its okay to be selfish, un-compromising spoiled brat?

When did it become okay to think (women in this instance), “my money is mine but his money is mine”. How the hell does that work! Keeping two separate accounts because you don’t want him getting your money but he still has to dish out the money for the living, vacation and luxioures gift expenses.

Sorry but marriage is sacred, its a union and commitment to each other, a bind that no one can interfere with. Marriage is between two people and the rest of the family become part of the background. You both have to figure out what you want in the future in order for BOTH of you to accomplish it. Call me old fashion or as I said before I’m that “rare specimen” that truly believes love will conquer all. Without love in a marriage you don’t have respect, trust, communication, dreams. Your always clashing with each other because you both want separate things.

I’m sure I wrote about this before in a different type of way. So if I’m boring you sorry, but seriously I am tired of seeing people take the “easy” way out. When I hear people talk about marriage like a negotiation of some sort it really pisses me off. Hopefully the future generation learns from this generation and come back to the realization that Love is one of the primary KEY in making a marriage last long.

Until Next Time,
LK

A Welcomed Distraction..

Has anyone have trouble “flowing” when your spouse is around.. Not that they are bugging you or wanting you to stop writing.. Let me tell you what just happened to me..

Well my hubby is a man that truly is a child. I really mean CHILD, he acts like one and well lets just say if I didn’t find it adorable I doubt that I would have married him..

Yes that sounds cruel, please let me explain.. I am trying to “flow” in my writing and picked the wrong time… He is home… So he is helping me by washing the dishes and getting his lunch ready since the food is already made.

Well basically he starts singing “just a friend” by Bizz Marquie (spelling is probably wrong). Well when I’m trying to write a piece that is of pain and sorrow the last thing you want to hear is this song right? So I ask him if he can be quiet..

Then he starts prepping his lunch and I don’t know why but his pants just slip off!! I mean talk about a sexy distraction! Not only is that sexy as hell but then he looks at me with those puppy eyes and a look of shock right at me. He then says ” My pants fell down” and pouts! I mean I couldn’t stop laughing!

So I decided that I was done for the night and ordered myself to enjoy the rest of the show! Hey sexy hubby cleaning the cast iron dishes, I’m NUTS to pass that up!

Until Next Time
LK

Something Cute & Funny, Enjoy!

When your husband says this, you have no choice but to laugh!! Just the disbelieve on how he express it I thought would be funny to share..

Yes it is cropped… I’m personal but still want some aspects of our lives to be private lol… Maybe be later I will post up more info about us lol..

Anyway enjoy!

Until Next Time,
LK

Marriage is about US not ME

Okay I have been hearing a lot lately how people looking for marriage ME ME ME, but no US.

To be in a successful marriage is a definition of Love, Teamwork, and Compromise. There words that I feel start a good foundation for a successful marriage.

In order for someone to make a decision that they will commit their life for a long period to another, let’s face it there has to be LOVE. I don’t mean love for money, or material things. What I mean is that you love the person you are waking up every morning with and go to sleep with every night. I mean if all of a sudden your awake and your spouse decides in their sleep to fart, burp are you really getting up and sleeping the rest of the night of the sofa? If they snore so loud are you going to sleep in the sofa or are you going to wake them up and make them sleep on the sofa? Or if they make annoying noises when they eat, you still finish eating with them right?

Being in love with your spouse is the key to living with them that makes your marriage stable. Let’s say this Love is one of the basic foundations that are needed in a marriage to become stable. Having that you are able to “put up” with a lot of flaws your spouse has. Let’s also realize that they love you so much too and have accepted your own flaws as well.

Second is having or being a team, no marriage is successful (as least long term marriages) without being a team, unit, a well oiled machine. This takes a couple of years to get established, it doesn’t mean that in five years you can say we still aren’t a team. We are still learning, bull! That just means you both aren’t putting an effort. Being in a team is easy, why because for most of our lives we have been put into situations that we are forced to work in a “team” type projects. Now that your married this seems like a new concept ( even though some make it seem they have never experience it ), being in grammar school you had a buddy, being in college you were put into teams ( groups ) for some assignments. In a work environment we are alway in teams or work along side with other departments ( teams ) to accomplish a project you might have… So why is it difficult for some to work as a team with their spouse?

Let’s mention children, who raises them? Didn’t it take two people to make a child? Then shouldn’t it take TWO to bring them up? Of course in this new age single parents are more common and some even play a dual role… At this point I’m not talking about them because they aren’t get ready for the KEY WORD: MARRIED. For the ones that are both working it shouldn’t matter who makes more or less, or who is at home more.. The point here is that you BOTH have to work as a TEAM to raise these children. You do it at work WHY NOT AT HOME.

Third concept I mentioned is Compromise right? Yeap… I left this last because it seems that most marriages do not know how to do it! Really?! I mean can’t people recognize that when growing up we had so many compromising situations we were AGAIN put in. Also because this goes hand in hand with TEAMWORK, amazing right? *rolling my eyes here* I mean seriously to me this is common sense. I know that everyone wants their OWN things, accomplishments and other materialistic things. To the point that I’ll mention children again, parents go so far as to compete in who is the best parent. They start to talk badly about each other with their children ( making a joke or complaining ) constantly. They start to treat each other badly and undermine the others disciplines or tasking for the children. Don’t you all realize you are showing your children to be selfish and become egotistical beings? Who would want to marry a person with those type of traits?

Compromise is the best thing a marriage can have, think about it. It’s easy you both can sit down and talk about your individual goals and dreams. Then you can discuss the goals and dreams for the Marriage ( yeah you have two categories weird huh? NOT! ), you then make a plan on how both of you can work together ( teamwork! ) in order to get your individual wants but still be able to accomplish and give the marriage the structure it needs! Jeez did I just in a way mentioned team work? Funny how that word comes up here… Maybe TEAMWORK is the key, Anywhoo compromise is again another common sense factor we have had our entire life.

I know that a lot of marriages are different, people marry for different reasons. I just think that people should feel like marriage is an old relic tradition that has no meaning or purpose. It does if you work at it.

Let’s face it marriage isn’t easy and as my mother and father advised me and my husband when we got married. Marriage is something that is worked in 24/7 what you out in it will come out it it.

You know what they are right. I have been married for four years going into five up this month and I guess that’s why I posted this topic. Marriage is beautiful and amazing when you are with the right person, but just because they are the right person doesn’t mean it will be successful. My husband and Insha’Allah will be one of those rare marriages that last as long as my parents ( and they are still going strong!), one were our love is stronger, our teamwork is stronger and our compromises are more stabled.

Until Next Time,
LK