Death, Rumors an Emotional ride

I have been gone for awhile now… My life lately has been a rollercoaster so I do apologise for this. 

My Uncle died a few weeks ago, he was my fathers brothers and he was dear to not only my dad but to my mother and sisters. He was the only one in my fathers side that lived with us for some years here in the United States. He always showed us love and accepted not only us but my mother into the family. He didn’t care about my mothers social or financial background as the rest of the family. He always said that he wished the rest of his sister – in – laws and his sisters would be like my mother. A good woman that knows how to love, be a wife and mother. He will be missed, he is my fathers “twin”, they aren’t twins but the do look very similiar and their personalities are extremely similiar.

Now that he has passed away the family are saying and starting to spread rumors about what he “said” about my father, mother and us. It is effecting my father a bit but as I told him. His family has always lied, they always spread rumors about him even his own mother, so why would he believe these rumors now. I told him that we should and will remember our uncle by how he treated us and the love he showe us NOT by what the rest of his family are spreading. 

Unfortunately there are people out there that are so ready to shine a black shadow on someone once they are dead and can’t defend themselves, why don’t they do that when they are alive and can defend themselves. Why wait until they are dead? Hence that side of the family I do not associate it nor want to know at all. They have hurt my parents, my sisters and myself time and time again. I know it will never stop and even though we share blood we are no closer then strangers.
A week after my uncle died my aunt on my mothers side died as well. I personally never knew her and only met her once when we went to Guatemala when I was seven year old. She was a good woman and helped my parents out when they needed help when they got together. She was a woman that lived her life her way even if it was against her families wishes. She seemed to be a woman that even though she didn’t know us she loved us and always showed loved to my father and mother. I wished I could have known her a bit more but Allah (SWT) knows why we didn’t have a better communication.

So the month of April has been hard from my family and the begining of May has not been easy for my husband and me. I see him less because of work and I truthfully feel as if I am single again. All of this sacriface we are doing I hope that Allah (SWT) will bless us and rewards us as he sees fit. I am currently looking for a job because I truthfully am bored all day. Yes I could use this time to write on here or work on my story more but truthfully I am getting stir crazy. I need an outlet I cannot stay at home full time especially when I don’t have nothing to do all day. In two days flat I’m finished with the cleaning, cooking and doing all my other errands, I need an outlet and going back to work is something I think I need to do.

At least we do have some good news, my hubby just finished paying off his student loan!! We are so happy!! We celebrated by eating in halal Indian food! It feels good that we finally found a place that delivers authentic Indian food to your doo and its HALAL!! So yes we celebrated last night that one loan we are done with. We are closer to our goal at being debt free. Now we only have our car loan and the little bit of credit car debt and we will be done. Insha’Allah at the end of this year we will be done with our credit card and then the car loan should be done next year but I will do my best to get it done this year…

As you can see we have had a rollercoaster in April and the begining of this month. Insha’Allalh the rest of this month we bit easier for us. We actually with a few extra funds we have been rearranging and decorating our living room. So far our living room is coming out as we liked. I will post up a review on the App that we have been using to help us.

I am back now and ready to write. I will be on here for a little bit since we are going to visit hubbies family in a couple of weeks. 

Love you guys and I hope you are all doing well!!
Until Next Time,

LK

Wounded Warrior Project – How people are still ungrateful

I understand that our military personal are paid through the “taxes” that we all pay. Lets face it, even the military personal still have to pay taxes every year. They don’t have any tax cut or exceptions. So in a way they pay themselves also.

Saying this I still do not understand how some of the population still believe that some benefits should be taken off or if new benefits are needed there should be a vote. Again scrolling down my Facebook I saw this question being asked by the Wounded Warrior Project and for some reason it really irked me..

   
 

Now my thinking is that these are men and woman that served our country. They literally lost limbs, are unbalanced mentally or have some issues unfortunately that were caused while on active duty. These are our men and woman that were not forced to serve they VOLUNTEERED. 

I can uderstand that some feel that because the volunteered then we as a NATION do not OWE them anything. In reality we owe them EVERYTHING! If it wasn’t for these courageous people we wouldn’t have the freedom that most of us have. Does that mean we are free… NO. Does it mean that we are 100% protceted from the enemy NO. They do the best they can with the resources and the leadership (our government and president) give them.

I don’t see why some people still think that we should not help them or include more benefits for them.

  
Okay, I know not everyone is going to agree with me but REALLY!! So far 3.4% says no to giving them fertility help. Seriously? Then 4.1% are not even sure!! HOW IN THE HECK ARE YOU NOT SURE!

If it wasn’t for the sacrifices that they AND their families give we wouldn’t have the FREEDOM we all CLAIM we have! Its always the many that keep the few from moving up or not being able to get the resources or tools they need.

I truly hope that many truly look into their hearts and recogzine how much the U.S. Military have given to their nation. Its sad that instead of being grateful and try to make their lives a bit easier and healthier we are gready and selfish.
Wake up PEOPLE! Lets get back to our men and women that have the guts to do what MANY of YOU can’t DO!
If you have Facebook if you aren’t already following this group I hope you do today and vote YES! Lets help get this benefit pushed in order to give a child to a family that has SACRIFICED so much already.
Until Next Time,

LK

To my Tio Paco, I will Miss You

Today is a sad day… A few hours ago I got a call from my mother. She and dad were at my uncles place…

They got news that my uncle that lives in Guatemala died in his sleep… This is hard for me because I grew up with my Tío Paco. He came to the states when I was young.

I used to get so confused because he would look to me like my father. So I would call him daddy too. He left when I was about 7 years old and I cried my heart out. 

Out of all my uncles he is the one that accepted my mother and my sisters and me without judgment or scorn. He loved us and was our playmate when he was with us.

On Christmas I talked to him telling him he should come back here. If not I would try to go see him so he could meet my husband. We both were excited at the idea, how i haré that we will never get that chance. 

At least I can find comfort that I talked to him and told him that I loved him.

Insha’Allah he doesn’t know any pain and may he be in Paradise with my other uncle, his older brother that I never met.

Tio Paco

Mi amigo

Mi chinito

Mi Budda

Como extraño tu sonrisa 

Tu ternura

Mi tío 

Un ángel 

Que regreso a paraíso 

Volando en el cielo

Tío Paquito

Mi chinito

Te quiero

Te extraño

Pero siempre estarás 

En este corazón

Mío

I love you and will miss you. My heart aches but I know your in a better place…

A birthday To Remember ( edited 1995 )

I piece I wrote in high school.. A few edits I’m sure it needs more but without the computer it’s a bit hard for me.. Let me know what you think? By the way this really happened to me lol..

Relaxing lying out in the sun, how good it feels to be in the beach. Oceans rolling in, making their crashing noise and smelling the salt in the breeze. People everywhere, laughing, sleeping and playing with their kids.
It’s fun for my birthday, always is and will be. Since I can’t come through out the year I make the visit with my family on this special day. “Hey kid, let’s go for a swim.” My middle sister told me.
“No.” I told her. I should have known that no was the wrong answer. She grabs my legs and starts to pull me toward the water while laughing. I just layed still letting her pull me a bit more smiling up to her because I’m to heavy for her to pull. Her tongue sticking out of her mouth getting exhausted.
“ok! I’ll go!” I cried out laughing. Yes, this is a good day.
I stand up and dusted myself off stalling for a few minutes. Then she takes my wrist and we started to walk for a bit, then the urgency to get to the water we began racing towards the waves, a silent challenge to who will get in first. Laughing at the top of our lung’s the ocean grew bigger with every step we took.
At first the water splashed on us and it’s cold making our bodies shiver, but we walked deeper into the ocean. Slowly we go warmer. Every few minutes we dared each other to go in deeper, foot by foot while holding our hands; looking at each other as if we had a secret that would get us in trouble that nobody new.
When we finally stopped the water was up to my neck and up to her chest. We stayed there; since I’m standing on the tips of my toes I bop up and down. With the momentum; smiling I push my sister below the water playfully. We played like that for a few minutes, when we finally realized that we were in the breaking point of the waves.
I felt shaky then, but since my older and braver sister is with me there’s nothing to be afraid of. This is but one more adventure in our lives. “Hey Sil? Race you back to Dino’s and lets splash water on her.” I said smiling already knowing that she would win but liking the idea of messing with our older sister. I looked at her and I know by her smile that the race was on.
“1,2..” But that’s were we stopped because a huge and I mean huge wave came crashing down. “Liza, Run!!” she yelled and pushed me towards the shore. I started running / swimming the best I could and knew by her hand behind my back she was close behind me, making me go faster. I know I wasn’t going to make it cause I saw a shadow over us, knowing that this was the wave that will be taking us under. Turning around I looked at the huge wave and a small gasp escaped my mouth. I saw my sister looking at the wave and when she turned to face me her eyes were wide with fear. She gave me a last push forward trying to save me from what was about to happen, arching her back and seeing her gasp air in I didn’t understand what was happening. Freezing I wasn’t able to get a breath in to hold it, facing the current I knew in my head I was dead. I tried to gasp as much air as I could and closed my eyes, the next thing a wave and part of my sisters’ body crashed into my chest. The little air I had escaped my mouth by the force of impact and the waved pulled me under rolling me in circles. I opened my eyes and the salty water stung my eyes. I couldn’t see where the top of the wave was or the ocean floor, all I could see was blurr and dark images floating in front of me. I somehow managed to arch my back and kick, lucky for me I managed to surfaced for a fraction of a second. Enough for me to gasp for air and then I was pulled under again.
My arms shot our when my body bumped into a pair of sticks that were not floating, not realizing they were actually my sisters legs. Somebody lifted me up and my sister was yelling at me to stand up. Not realizing I was close to shore away from the break of the waves I still struggled until she stood me upright herself. “Don’t ever hold me or anyone ever like that again. you could cause both of you to drown!!” I just stood there looking at her gasping for the precious air that my lungs needed.
“Lets go back to mom and dad.” We started walking towards the space my parents were but halfway there we were met by our dad yelling at us. He started lecturing us, and then when we got there my mom also started to lecture. My sister just asked us if we were ok, instead of answering her we just splashed water on her by shaking our bodies like dogs do.
For a few minutes we both were just sitting there thinking about what had happened. We both were holding our hands in a silence, giving each other a comfort and understanding of what we just went through. A couple minutes later I started to talk about what we just went through to no one in particular. My parents, especially my mother just shook her head in disbelief. My older sister just gave me a look of annoyance. My father faced me and it froze my words in an instant.
I asked Sil if she wanted to go for a swim, she said yes. Our dad just told us not to go into deep or else birthday or no we would pack up and leave. My whole day was good, except that moment of anguish, excitement and challenge I had with my sister. All this was, an adventure, like my mother says; when things go wrong just view it as an adventure in life.
My fathers thought on any type of situation is to have guts and go all the way, if you come out ‘alive” then be willingly to go back, don’t have fear but excitement.

Until Next Time,
LK

When do you finally say No more. When do you say I won’t take this anymore?

Those are questions that could be answered easily when it’s a situation regarding a stranger, work, relatives and some friends.

What about if it’s immediate family.. A mother, father or siblings. How easy is it to answer those questions. How much easier is it to follow through and separate yourself from them.

It’s hard, it’s almost impossible. You always make an excuse for them as to why they act the way they do. You make reasons as to why you still keep them in your life.

It’s hard to balance a life of happiness with a life that causes pain. It’s harder when it’s close family..

Even when you have the guts to talk to them, tell them how you feel, all they say is “grow up”, stop whining. They don’t see how much pain they cause. Instead they may make fun of you or treat you harder. They close ranks on you and make you feel like an outsider.

Slowly you start to grow up but not in the way they want you too. You start standing up to them, you start to pull away. They go and get more mad and say more things, they start to treat you as if your a burden.. They don’t notice it, they think they are being “nice” but instead they stick that knife deeper into you.

It’s hard to have a family like that, it’s hard to come to a conclusion on what to do.. In the end when you have thought about for months you realize you don’t have to talk to them as often, you don’t have to visit them.

You take charge, you hold them at arms length.. At least this pain is manageable it’s a pain that slowly goes away…

For those that go through this I’m sorry, I know of a person that goes through a similar scenario. Slowly that person is guiding themselves from their family. They seemed sad at first but after a couple of months it seems that they are becoming their usual happy self. My heart goes out to that person but I am happy that they are finally knowing happiness and getting away from negative people even if it is their own family.

Until Next Time,
LK

No post Nov 27 – Dec 2

Happy Thanksgiving! I visiting family so I will not be uploading any new post.

Until Next Time,
LK

Visiting Family Aug 29 – Sept 2

Hubby and I will be going to visit family this Labor Day weekend. By the way Happy Labor Day!!

I will most likely not be posting anything these upcoming days but as before I will try my best to reply to comments and read my blogs.

I have not been able to continue my edit for Shadow Voices because I have been cleaning up the house and preparing for our travel. When I come back I hope to be able to if not finish possibly upload the last chapters of Shadow Voices..

Thank you again for your patiences and letting me into your lives. I hope that I continue to bring you post on this blog that interest you. Please feel free to comment, like or share if you want.

Until Next Time,
LK

Writing Silence Aug 21 – Aug 25

I know usually I do not put on here when I am leaving or not going to be active at all. I truly want to change that. I am doing my best to always post something at least once a week and upload new chapters from Shadow Voices every weekend.

As I have said before a couple of days ago I asked for prayers for a family member. Their surgery is friday and my husband and I are planning on going to be there for them. This could change of course depending on the wishes of my husband’s relative.

For now I am planning on not writing anything for the rest of the day. As you can read from the title I do not plan on coming back until the 26th. I will still try to keep reading your blogs and if I get any comments then I will do my best to respond. If not then you know why.

Thank you all for your continued support regardless if you are a commenter or not. You let me into your home every chance you honor me on reading one of my post.

As you noticed I uploaded two chapters that I owed you all from last week. If I post anything else today it will be another edited chapter of Shadow Voices if I finish in time and if hubby brings his work laptop.

Until Next Time,
LK

Asking for prayers..

Here I am awake just like an owl! Of course thoughts slipping in and out of my head I think thats the culprit tonight.

So instead of trying to think I put my mind into trying to figure out how to make my blog to look a little bit more appetizing to some ( I might need to get a midnight snack lol ) I’m going to try this look for a little bit, I’m still not happy with it but hey thats why I can play around right?

I usually don’t like using a public forum to speak out about personal (very personal) issues. It’s something that I just really don’t like doing.. Having no outlet this time I tired it out… It did help me in a lot of ways and of course my amazing husband helped for the remainder of the day once he came home.

Thank you for “listening” to me. I really appreciate it a lot.

Just giving you all a heads up ( I know I’m not really good at doing that ) I will most likely not be writing or reading anything on WP starting thursday… I have a family issue ( I know I have a lot of them ) and I need to be there to support my husband as much as he is there for me.

I do ask for prayers for my husband’s family member since this is going to be a surgery that will be long and very sensitive..

Again thank you for all of your continued support and I hope to be back next week with new chapters for you all.

Until Next Time,
LK

Dear Sister…

This month is your month, the day you were born, this month is just a bittersweet moment for me. For some reason unknown to us; you left through that door leaving pain and confusion behind you. For over seven years on this month I crave to hear your voice and tell us that your okay. I crave to know the reason why you had to leave us behind.

I love you, I miss you and I wish I could hug and kiss you. No matter your reason we will always be here with open arms waiting until the day you walk back into our lives.

You never gave us a chance to fix anything if there was something to fix. Or even told us if somehow you need more of our help. This month is your month and it hurts me every time it comes by. I stare at your photo and I imagine you talking to me, telling me that it was just all a dream. That you never left, that I can look up and when I do you will be there with your beautiful smile and laughter. If this is a joke it is a cruel one, I never knew you to be this way.

Now through technology and a person’s huge heart I am able not only to see you but also the little family that you have for yourself. My nephews and one niece are the best gift that I can have. Looking at their innocent faces I wish I can tell them that Aunty loves theme and misses them. How I wish I could have been there when they first talked, walked. So far from my reach I grab the little comfort that these few photos bring me. What little information that this person gives me I cherish and engrave it into my mind and heart. These will be the only photos that my children will know of their cousins and I begin to cry again.

Seeing the tears and pain looked at our parents face when I tell them what I found out I am getting closer everyday in resenting you. I wish I didn’t feel the love I have for you. I wish I could rip all of our childhood memories from my mind and see you as a stranger that you have let yourself become.

When I see their pain I just want to rip you apart. How selfish can you be to the ones that gave you life, the ones that raised you. They gave so much of their life for their 3 princesses and how do you repay them? By turning your back to them. When you needed shelter, food and money to get by they gave it to you. Your sister gave shelter and took you to interviews, and I… What I did was nothing as long as it was to make sure you and your kids were okay. We aren’t asking for payment we are asking to be apart of your life because we love you. How can you smile and enjoy life when you make me be the one to tell our parent’s the bad news..

I am doing my best not to hate you, not to delete every memory that I have about you. I pray to Allah (SWT) and I ask forgiveness for the black stone that is slowly replacing the stone of love that I have for you.

I hope one day you stop being selfish and for your children sake or for our parents sake you pick up that phone and tell them the truth. I was the messenger that hurt them today and that I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.. The day you finally come back I truly hope I will be able to welcome you with love and care as I once wish..

Your loving little Sister
LK